The Official Rivers Account*



Bryce Burnin'

I recently took a trip up to T-Town to visit my good bud, Richard on his last day inside "the heart of darkness" that is Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

We decided that it would be fun to visit an old haunt (no pun intended), Alabama Bryce Mental Hospital.

I'm sure everyone remembers this post about our first visit to the looney bin.

This time, however, it was just a little different. We tried to approach Bryce from the front as we always do, only to discover that the way is now blocked by two yellow iron bars. So, we had to get into Bryce via "the back way". This involved parking at a Baptist church, hopping a two foot fence, and walking down a long dirt road.



My Montevallo G, Jon Mosman, told me that a fire had occurred sometime last winter and destroyed large parts of the building. I didn't really believe it at first, but when I noticed this scorched window on the way in, I started to believe.

As we rounded the corner, this was the scene:



Compare:



The initial sight of the building's facade was surreal to say the least, but that was nothing compared to the scene on the inside.

Against my better judgment, I ascended two flights of stairs, to the epicenter of the fire The third floor attic. You all remember the third floor attic:



Well, check it out now:





Just a big pile of scorched sheet rock. Tisk, tisk.







The majority of the third floor is completely fucked up.



Richard whacks a piece of glass with a recovered sheet rock.

Of course, no Bryce-related post is complete without a graffiti update:



This dumbass tried to write "Help me" backwards like a ghost would, apparently. Unfortunately, he was too retarded to flip the "p" correctly, so it just says "Helg Me". Stupid shit.



Yeah!

...and the most beautiful one... EVER!:



MY MUDCOCK!

I have no idea what a "Mudcock" is, I just know that I want one for a pet. Or, maybe I don't. I have no idea. Modest Mouse should change their name to Modest Mudcock.



All in all, I think it was a fitting end to Richard's time in Tuscaloosa, and, as he put it, the experience was "dripping with symbolism".

Bus Bumpin'

Saturday was a day to rejoice. Trent's parents were out of town. As a result, we decided that Saturday would be a prime opportunity to finally knock out a project that's been on the to-do list for over a year. The project?



Sprucing up the old bus behind Trent's house. This was no small task.



Sean started off the project by declaring his love for WMD's: Waffles of Mass Deliciousness.



Here we can observe Trent and Sean getting up close and personal.



Chandler brought his dorky ol' girlfriend, Stephanie (Stefanie?), to the party. She was a blast and a half!



Adam meets a scary elf. Get a room you two!









All Hail BOOGNISH!



As you can, and, undoubtedly, will observe, everything went grandly. The bus truly became a tapestry of personality. Here are some of my fave creations:



Here is the flaming tapeworm by Rollie, with the flames by me. Check out those teeth. Yikes!



Trent stenciled-in a skeleton pirate unleashing a big-bosomed slug genie on an unsuspecting George Washington. I know what you're thinking, "Where do these kids come up with this stuff?" Answer: Mescaline. Lots and lots of fucking Mescaline.



Miles painted a "Watch Yer Ass" monster on the seat. Too cool for school, Fitzy-face.



Miles is Buggin' for some Mudcock, I assure you.



Conor fooled around with the mystical chrome shovel. Do you believe in magic?



Trent is so goofy.

Everyone was having a grand time, and everything was going smoothly, until...



Trent was emolated in a fire produced by way of orange day-glo posterboard.





After painting, it was time for a socialization session under the hazy glow of the garage floodlight.



Miles is so gay.

*A Note Regarding This Post:

If you're reading the post for the second time, you might have noticed a couple of changes. Well here's why:

It seems that, after almost two years, Trent finally figured that the passwords for Phoenix Rivers, Razdow, and my Photobucket were one in the same. I guess Trent decided that he was tired of waiting, so he went ahead and published the post for me. Fortunately, Trent didn't fuck me as badly as he could have. Thanks Buddy!

Since Trent was nice enough to spare me of what could've been a total disaster, I've decided to leave some of Trent's original captions; though I did correct his sub-par punctuation and grammatical errors. Also, I took out the captions in which he fellates himself.

By the way, Trent, I fucking hate it when people double space. Also, I fucking hate exclamation marks. You should know that!