As some of you may have noticed, for the past couple of months I've been carrying around a little composition notebook in my back pocket. I use it to write down funny or interesting things that I hear. Well, last night, to kick off summer the right way, I jumped into a pool and, in doing so, I forgot to take the notebook out of my back pocket. So, Notebook #1 is ruined and I need to transcribe it here before i can pick up a new notebook.
Here we go:
(Page 1)Gnome Home
I knew You
was A
Slewhog.
What about the
6,000,000 Jews?
...Look, don't ever
let anyone from
Austria push you around.
(Page 2)Webmaster =
Internet Relations
She shows up at
4 in the morning
with a bottle
of vodka &
Shows me her
nipples and
then thinks I'm
weird because
I wanna have sex
"Scrutinty"
(Page 3)Dawson's Creek
Fan-Fiction Show
on WEGL 91
"...As Dawson raped
her, he couldn't help
but feel a warm
sense of regret
come over him"
I've Been wearing this
Shirt all day and I'm
Strangely Aware of
my nipples
(Pages 4-8)Conor put on yr. Bird Suit
Heres one for your Bro
Conor put on yr birdsuit it's time to play
the bird game
Sunday Morning Afternoon
Whatever works for you
When I put on my bearsuit
Its time to play the birdgame
I'll stalk you in the attic
I'll chase you through the halls
You can't possibly hide from me
Its time to play the bird
game
I've taken all your keys away
And I have locked up all the doors
No ones playing w/toys today
It's time to play the birdgame
Do you remember Uncle Rodney
He was always so good to
you He took you to Walt
Disney World and then you
played the birdgame
Uncle Rodney used to be
a happy birthday clown
but someone stole his
pantaloons now he
plays the bird game
oh, and by the way
Uncle Rodney came today
Hes hiding in the house
Hes cooked us up a feast of
shrimp Its time to play
the bird game
Rodney's got his
gurdle on freshly
rubbed with grease
He'll squeeze thru
any hole for you
he's ready to play
The bird game
He's got his silver
knickers on he's
high on PCP
He's sleeping in yr bed tonight
it's time to play the
bird game
So drink the poison
lemonade it what
good for you
feel the tingle
when it go down
Its time to play the
bird game
The game is over your
feathers are wet and
now you're in your place
The floor is slippery
the air is moist
You've just played the
bird game
Jaunty
DAG
Pearl Jam
Em Am G C
(Page 9)"I've been there, I've been
the fifth wheel... I've been
the third wheel...I've even
been
the second wheel on a
unicycle"-McKelly
The Benevolent
Slum LORD
Grocerystore:
5 or 6 year old
Kid's tshirt
says "Waste Me"
(Page 10)What is it About MeThat You Can't Teach?"It's OK, I
sniffed it out earlier
and it smelled like
cola... okay that made
me sound like a total
boozehound"
-Blicker After Drinking
Mystery Liquid
The solution was
Your problem All
Along man. -Ryder
(Page 11)The Never Ending Struggle
Between Man &
Frisbee beings again
today.
I wish I had 20
different costumes
right now.
"The women's feet are
shorter so they can
get closer to the sink"
-Brother Micah
Ellen Page:
She's kinda cute with certain
Haircuts
(Page 12)Black Cobra
Shakes Down
A Genie
Wouldn't it be awesome if
we had a bunch of robots
and they were free?
Sergeant Sanguine &
The Bloody Nipples
(Page 13)Our super psychological
shit, I'm telling you
Is it weird to wash
your hands with
Shaving Cream?
Bad Butter...
Smell the Butter
You owe every
man a ride
Natalie Portman stops
the Holocaust
(Page 14)I'm not pissing man,
I'm thinking
You know what I'm worried
about. I'm worried that
I have a bruise.
Why is Adam asking
for Grease & a phone
book?
Sleepless in Seattle:
You got The Hanks
You got The Ryan
You got all you need
Forget About It!
(Page 15)"Beer is Hope"
My Grandfather used
to call getting an erection
getting lead in your
pencil
I don't think I've
ever discussed
erections with my
Grandfather
You Know What
I'm Doin'?
L.O.T.D. Baby
Livin' the Dream
(Page 16)Dylan Complaints:
Crippling addiction
to Hookers &
Gambling
Shaved his legs in the
Freezer
Other Names for Dylan:
Puzzles Skittles
Ladyfingers Champ
Chase Chance Sport
Skeeter Scooter
Sneakers Sweaters
Puddles Tickles Doodles
(Page 17)Lizards!
This place is like
a Cat Stevens song
Mummy,
This table is too heavy
I don't want to
Live anymore
Southern Rock Band Names:
Mississticky Mud Fuck
Mudtucky Stickbull
Fuck Fight
I'm Lonely, Pass Me
The Fuck Mud
(Page 18)Nothing ever literally
smells Funny
Things feel, sound
or look Funny but
they never really
smell funny...
Well, maybe laughing gas
I still wonder if
I'm going to hell
for tackling a blind
guy
(Page 19) Lotion Party
Two Competitions:
Biggest Container
of Lotion
Most creative Lotion
Pump
Two winners will
serve as Grand
Marshalls in the
lotion parade.
Lotion parade: Figure 8 Pattern
All
masturbation
jokes
must be
organic!
Side Activity
1. New Shoes
2. Fill the Shoes
With Lotion
3. Take turns
putting on
Lotion shoes
and squishing
around
(Page 20)Things are tough all over
Ponyboy
Eat a bag of baby dicks
I have a disease
where I cum
Barbeque Sauce
It makes lunch
a whole lot more
interesting
Is your chicken
too dry ma'am?
(Page 21)Wheezing Laugh=
Glottal Whistle
Is that a gun?
Yes, I have target
practice at my
girlfriend's house
tomorrow morning
I find your lack
of Prince disturbing
76 Trombone &
The Lotion Parade
(Page 22)Fuck You! I am obsessed
with Latin Culture!
