Phoenix Rivers

The comment section in "The Final Days on Shady Glenn" post is blowing the fuck up, and I love it. The never-ending Matt v. Trent conflict has taken a turn for the personal. To save my Photobucket bandwidth from guaranteed extinction, I ask all parties involved to put their comments into the comment section of this post. For those not up to speed, here's a recap:

OH. MY. GOD. How is it that I of all people had to miss out on Wick? Other than that, great post!
Posted by viviana : 3:36 AM

What's with the low blows against me? Is this a party post tradition? Well, you aren't getting my goat this time around.

P.S. My favorite quote of the night:
Jack (in response to the 'bigger than me' remark)-"Yes, I am quite large."

Booyah
Posted by Trent : 5:11 AM

However, there's one thing I'm sure we can all agree on: 'Funsies' is the best word ever. It's like, every time I hear it, a big pinball of happiness bounces around inside me. Life is for funsies. The rest is just details.
Posted by Trent : 12:46 PM

wow these are some badass pics.
Posted by sean ethan abrahams : 6:10 PM

excellent, I'm pissed that i missed out on the battlezone! Sherome mysteriously made it into half of my pictures that night and I had no idea who he was - thanks for clearing that up!! haha
Posted by emilyguinto : 9:09 PM

ah, great post

i really love the last (day) picture

tasnia looks a lot better with chandler's face, you fooled me into thinking it was caro2 for a split second.
Posted by matt : 5:22 PM

Funsies are for Fuckin' Faggs.
Posted by Rollie : 8:08 PM

It's really unfortunate that Tasnia doesn't meet the qualifications of your lolita complex, Matthew.
Posted by Trent : 11:24 PM

Word.
Posted by ConTron : 11:28 PM

To Rollie.
Posted by ConTron : 11:29 PM

I'm disappointed to see Pro and Anti-Funsies factions emerge. But as Bob is my witness, I was born a Funsies man, and I'll die a Funsies man, dammit! Y'all can eat a dick.
Posted by Trent : 11:37 PM

yeah glad you finally emerged from that fog of sexual confusion you've been in the last decade or so trent.

guess you just needed to find someone with 30 pounds of grade-A fatback and a bitch beer gut to help keep your mind off those pesky feminine characteristics, huh!?
Posted by matt : 12:22 AM

yo im a midget lemme get those digits
Posted by matt : 12:32 AM

Hey, if I can make it out of the sexual confusion fog, I'm sure there's hope for you. Just find your niche, man. Maybe something other than unnecessary father figure/awkward pity sex recipient.

Have you tried an Oedipal relationship? Those are usually slightly healthier, and I'm sure any girl resembling your mom won't be too picky.
Posted by Trent : 1:08 AM

yo i ain't got no chin let the games begin
Posted by Trent : 1:09 AM

unnecessary father figure is a better/more useful personality flaw than the petulant man-child angle you've been working since you hit puberty.

maybe it's time to give college a try!

not to put any pressure on you...we all know what that leads to:

Posted by matt : 1:31 AM

i need masculine affection to achieve an erection
Posted by matt : 1:33 AM

More useful, eh? I had no idea it was working so well for you. I guess the younger you go, the more effective your angle is. You gotta work fast, though, man, because they're only 15 for 12 months and then... Poof! Out of your league.
Posted by Trent : 1:44 AM

this might not appeal to ya, but can we try pedophilia?
Posted by Trent : 1:46 AM

look trent, i know you would pick up the phone if anyone called you, so quit acting like you're above everyone.

and quit showing up everywhere uninvited, it's a real buzzkill to watch your increasingly desperate attempts at gaining/keeping anyone's attention.
Posted by matt : 2:15 AM

eat a dick faggot/suck on a rock hard cock faggot
Posted by matt : 2:19 AM

Look Matt, if anyone knows that going to college doesn't instantly solve problems, it's you.

And I won't get into "increasingly desperate attempts" with you... Unless you keep this going and force me to.

And what are you doing up so late? Aren't you going to wake up Jonathan? I bet a cranky baby brother is a bummer of a roommate.

Just walk away, it's over. Don't get into something you can't get out of. You started this, I finished it. That's how it's going to be. And next time you want to start something, you start it with me, not with people I care about. You fucking coward.
Posted by Trent : 2:42 AM

The Matt v. Trent Comment War:

I'm Lovin' It.

Should be more cutthroat and personal though.
posted by Rivers : 2:45 AM

you're a pathetic fool.
of course this isn't over.

sick a duck
Posted by matt : 2:46 AM

This should be a spoonerism war. Actually, on second thought, I like it like it is. Keep going, full speed ahead.
Posted by Rivers : 2:49 AM

i'm going to bed
Posted by matt : 2:53 AM

http://www.gay-honey.com/_CONTENT/aglcneh840/2.jpg

Does this ring a bell Trent?
Posted by Conor and Rollie : 3:13 AM

posted by Rivers # 1:19 AM

Comments:

p.s. tasnia i hope you don't take that stuff personally if you're reading it. you are cute in your own way.

# posted by

matt : 9:43 AM

My apologies, Rivers, I just noticed the new developments.

Meh. I'm most definitely secure as far as sexual orientation goes... And I've never looked at gay porn at night with other guys, "Conor and Rollie". So that was pretty weak. But not as weak as talking shit about someone else in order to piss me off. Stay down, Matt. It's over.
# posted by Trent : 3:29 AM
haha, nice concession speech puss.
# posted by matt : 11:21 AM
Haha... You know you agree with at least half of the charges I've brought against you. Now make one last petty bitch remark so you can feel like you got the last word in. Nothing you say means a goddamn thing to me.
# posted by Trent : 11:45 AM

Ahem, I'm still having difficulties believing that "Conor and Rollie" really is Conor and Rollie. I mean, it's almost beyond my comprehension that it would take two people working together to come up with the retorts attributed to them.

So, to whom it may concern: If I were gay, I would not be ashamed to admit it.
Also, Tasnia doesn't really have the features required to be classified as a "boy-child". The real Conor and Rollie would know that, they spend a good deal of time with bona fide boy-children and I'm sure they are experts at identifying them.

Matt, it's good to see that you're backing down. You obviously aren't cut out for this kind of thing... It requires a backbone and some testicular fortitude.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:32 AM

you lost, none of your insults stick, they just look like the rantings of a distressed lunatic.

i think those goth-issue boots are starting to cut off the circulation to your lower extremities, cuz you are starting to sound like an emotionally scarred eunuch.

and you aren't fooling anyone with you constant references to pedophilia, you're the one that seems to have 12 year old girls on the brain 24/7. hey, you look 14, why should you have to miss out on all the fun you could've been having in junior high school?

i didn't even start this argument, that first comment on tasnia was just an observation, not an attack on you.
# posted by matt : 12:30 PM

My boots weigh 6 pounds. Running up and down stairs with them is good exercise. They don't come anywhere near my groin and I'm sure I'm getting plenty of bloodflow to that region.

I'm not distressed or emotionally scarred. I'm perfectly composed. I'll repeat: Nothing you say about me means a goddamn thing. If you're going to talk about Tasnia, however, I am going to have something to say about it.

If your first comment was an
"observation", then so was mine. I observed your claim that Tasnia looked "a lot better" with Chandler's face, and that she looked like Caroline W. Connect the dots and it sounds like you've got the hots for yet another girl who is 3 years younger than you. And then you made it about my "sexual confusion". Yeah right. Girls intimidate you, so you choose to pursue the only ones you feel like you can have any control over, i.e. girls with an Electra Complex to match your Lolita. Pathetic.

Your shit is weak. I don't know why, but I keep expecting something more than a limp-wristed mutant whimper.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:49 AM

i'd rather pursue a girl i know i have feelings for and strike out than give up and sign up for a season pass on the village bicycle.

that hasn't been my problem for a long time, forward all your future pedophilia insults to the new guy, thanks, i know how much your self-image depends on them.

it's kind of sad that you are reaching so far below the belt to defend the only female option you have left... you've insulated yourself from off-work social situations involving any female other than your mother and sister...and I'm the one with the lolita/oedipal complex?

# posted by

matt : 11:05 AM

you are getting desperate, dawg, last summer was a long long time ago. let that anger GO!

# posted by

matt : 11:07 AM

It must be tough sharing girls with Russ Parten and my brother, Rollie. But at least Matthew will look upon you as a role model.

"anonymous", Matthew did not shit on my face. If he would take a step back and compare our situations, he would realize that everything he says is futile. I mean, his life sucks. He's failing school, he shares a room with his two-year-old brother, he works at the softball complex, and he can't even garner the affection of a junior in high school. He says that I've eliminated all of my options save for one... Even if that were true, at least I have an option. Matthew would be content with my leftovers, if only my leftovers would have him.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:50 PM

1) i don't live in the same room as my brother, and this is jsut a temporary set-up, unlike the room you keep occupying in your house despite your parents' repeated efforts to kick you out.

2) i'm not failing school

3) at least i can keep a job where my dad isn't my boss

4) you and russ would be sharing the same girls, if only stefanie didn't hate your guts

5) knew it would come back to this eventually, you're running on E at this point in the post.

# posted by

matt : 2:54 PM

but let's look at your situation...you get up and go into work at 8 every morning, move boxes, make deliveries, then come home and accomplish nothing for the rest of the day. when 9 PM rools around, you sit by your cell phone watching tv, hoping someone calls before then you give up, rub one out, fall asleep, wake up, and repeat.

glad to see you're living up to your parents' expectation.

# posted by

matt : 2:59 PM

yeah, seriously. watch out trent, armagettin you too once i get over this wisdom teeth shit.

but let's not get any more personal in this public forum. you know my phone number as well as my address if you want to talk to me.

# posted by

matt : 3:41 PM

In addition to addresses and phone numbers, we also all have cars and fists of rage...

It's time for a rumble.

Panera parking lot at 9 PM.

Eh? Eh?

# posted by

Rivers : 3:51 PM

Also, Matt, how much more personal could you get, man?

I'm not complaining, just sayin'

# posted by

Rivers : 3:53 PM

You won't do shit, Cory.

The only people who are in agreement that I am in a bad situation are the people who read and post on this blog. You're all stuck in a cesspool of your own bullshit.

Matthew, you keep attempting fresh spins on the same imagined argument. It's working for you only because you have the same inertia as everyone here who continues to agree with you. It's extremely naive to believe that because you don't see me, I am sitting at home waiting for phone calls. If I wanted to be fucking bored out of my mind, I might give one of you guys a call. I'm moving on.

I don't watch TV, I barely drink, I almost never smoke, and I'm making more money than all of you. If I get bored, I read or exercise. This is called productivity. It's the first step towards independence. Sleeping until noon and 'just hanging out, man' is really nothing to be proud of.

The way you described my life after 9 PM probably didn't stretch your imagination much... I think that pretty much sums up all daylight hours for you. Just because you don't do it alone doesn't make it any more impressive.

# posted by

Anonymous : 3:56 PM

i just don't want to have to go through this all over again everytime you get upset over some high school related drama:

http://images.quizilla.com/T/TwiZtiDSeriaLKillA/1058383460_slitwrists.jpg

hang in there buddy, someone up there loves you, and you don't even have to end your life down here to gain his affection. his love is unconditional.

i've got some pamphlets and tracts for you if you're interested, or even if you're not.

# posted by

matt : 4:03 PM

i get it, trent. you are living the good life of a high school graduate who saw through the college bullshit and knows better than to waste his money on worthless shit like rent, food and bill.

i read, i exercise, and i also have interesting friends who i enjoy spending time with, and vice versa. it's understandable that your opinion of all of us is skewed by our hatred of you.

you're settling into the bitter loner quite well, daddy must be proud, i bet he tells you how much he loves you all day...at work, at home...at home, at work, you know...everywhere you go.

you're a real independent spirit! maybe moving in with you wouldn't be such a horrible, horrible idea after all.

but two out of three ain't bad, eh?

p.s. moving onto what? last time i heard, most of us were college bound/in college and living on our own, taking some responsibility for our lives.

# posted by

matt : 4:10 PM

yeah, your daddy gave you a parachute at birth, so you don't have to worry about money, but seriously...how many holes have you punched through it already?

pretty soon, you are going to make that one mistake that breaks the camel's back, and you will be stuck with no friends, a slut for a good fuck, and a rich dad that wants nothing to do with you.

let's come back here in seven years, and compare our lives then.

# posted by

matt : 4:17 PM

LOL

# posted by

matt : 4:23 PM

"4) you and russ would be sharing the same girls, if only stefanie didn't hate your guts" - posted by Matt, 4:54 PM

This is completely untrue.

"I have cuts and bruises all over my upper body and every time I look at them I think about how big of an asshole you were thursday night." - lamented by Matt, a day or so after the limp fish incident

Let's armaged-down to business.

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:39 PM

yeah what a badass.

tackling me on filthy shady glenn parking lot pavement while i'm looking the other way takes some serious ballz.

# posted by

matt : 4:42 PM

THE STEFANIE HATES YOUR GUTS PART IS COMPELETELY TRUE!

Again:
TRENT SUCKS.
GO MATTHEW!

# posted by

Stefania : 4:50 PM

That's a very convenient way of remembering what happened... Poor Matthew got bullied by Trent.

Balls come in handy when you have a few minor cuts and bruises and you need to get over them without whining like a bitch.

Stefania, whether you hate my guts or not is comp(e)letely irrelevant.

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:04 PM

I really don't know why I'm wasting time with this. Go ahead and hate me. Continue to propagate slanted spiteful bullshit about me. It won't get you anywhere, and it will probably only give me one more reason to succeed. This is taking time out of my life that I don't think I'm willing to part with. As much fun as I'm having watching all of you swarming around, high-fiving each other and fellating yourselves, I think I'm going to have to end it here.

I suppose your collective opinion of me will fall even lower, but I don't think I give a damn.

Hopefully, there are a few people reading this who have their own opinions, and who can look at this situation objectively, without feeling the need to blindly associate with the side that they believe will help them the most in social ascension.

Unique opinions are the opinions that might matter to me.

If there is no one reading with a unique opinion, that's unfortunate, but I doubt this knowledge would upset me too much.

This is ridiculous. I can't believe I let myself get caught up in this for so long.

Matthew, you probably aren't done. You'll probably make several desperate attempts to bring me back into the fray. It's not going to happen. This is a waste of time.

Okay, Matthew. Take the last word. You win, congrats. Throw yourself a party. You deserve it. Hopefully in seven years, you'll be proud of yourself. If you are, I bet you'll see how stupid this was. We'll see. Good luck.

Everyone else, I apologize for wasting your time. Or I apologize for disappointing you. And I apologize tremendously for boring you with ... Shit, Matt just beat me to it. Well you'll have to post one more time for that last word. Pick a good one.

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:27 PM

checkmate

# posted by

matt : 5:35 PM

daaaaaaaaaaamn, homie. ZING!

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:48 PM

I didn't understand a word you said, Cory. What does "get their beat suck as well as trent" mean?

# posted by

Titanio Boulderdash : 11:06 AM

Oh, I get it. That isn't Cory

# posted by

Titanio Boulderdash : 11:27 PM

girls girls girls

# posted by

matt : 10:56 AM

Monday, May 22, 2006

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