The story surrounding a craze caused by T-Shirts featuring the image of, one, Mr. Miles Bugg was deemed worthy for inclusion in the March 2005 issue of the school newspaper at Auburn High School: The Auburn High School Free Press.

The inclusion was first brought to my attention by my friend and confidant, Mr. Chandler White. It wasn't until today, however, that I had the chance to view the article myself.

Unfortunately, the article regarding the shirts is sub-par at best. At worst, it's a burlap sack full of wet pig shit. It saddens me even deeper to know that this publication, of which I am a former contributor, has lost its ability to edit appropriately. Miss Booth's article is nothing short of a pointed attack on the character of everyone involved in the project, including myself. The article is filled with a sporadic incompetencies and factual errors based on hearsay. If you will, allow me to go into greater detail.

Throughout the article, grammatical errors abound. For instance, Mr. Bugg's face cannot walk, therefore, it is impossible to witness "his face walking somewhere down the hallways." That is only one of the many mistakes made on the part of Miss Booth in the grammar department of the work. However, I will not delve too deeply into this area, as I am more upset by the factual errors and anti-Bugg bias that plagues the article in question.

It becomes abundantly clear that Miss Booth has done no research whatsoever in her assignment. For example, Miss Booth, after spelling his name incorrectly, indicates that Mr. Adam Gullatte had some role in the production of the "MiLES" T-Shirts. While Mr. Gullatte is a dear friend of mine, he played no role, whatsoever, in the creation/distribution of the "MiLES" T-Shirts. It was strictly a collaborative effort between Mr. White, Mr. Rollie Harris, and myself. I hatched the idea of creating a pseudo-Communist propaganda shirt depicting a sharply contrasted image of Mr. Bugg against a white background. Then, using a picture I took on my digital camera I created the graphic in Adobe Photoshop. Then, as it relates to Auburn High School, Mr. White and Mr. Harris produced the shirts for widespread distribution at a local screen printing store (Stamp).

All of this was readily available information, had Miss Booth been willing to check with either of the team members still enrolled at Auburn High, that being Mr. White and Mr. Harris. In fact, this task would've been incredibly easy due to the fact that Chandler himself is a staff writer and Archivist for The Free Press. However, Miss Booth isn't interested in fact. Either that, or she's too high to know what she's interested in.

From what I understand, Miss Booth has a bit of a social life. In fact, to be quite frank, hers is a life of debauchery and unruly delectation. It should be noted that this behavior can cause serious damage to a person's ability to weigh their options properly. This is truly the only elucidation I can divine to explain Miss Booth's critical lapse in judgment when she decided to publish the address of this very website in the school newspaper.

Has Miss Booth ever truly examined the contents of this website before? I am an unstable, capricious asshole. I am a malcontent curmudgeon. I am a lying, cheating, stealing bastard. My complete disregard for anyone's feelings other than my own, and my utter lack of ambition is wildly inappropriate in this, and every, circumstance. Miss Booth fails to realize that when a naive and impressionable soul reads about my life they will become corrupted. Children will abandon their dreams of success when they see that my only ambitions involve my desire to carry out malicious acts and complex ruses, aimed only at the goal of shaming and degrading those close to me in order to enlarge my, already hyper-inflated, ego. If news of the website spreads, eventually an entire generation will abandon the idea of "work" as we know it. Capitalism will fall and anarchy will rage; all because of Miss Booth's ignorant and reckless disregard for the good of mankind. In fact, I would venture to say that I am, quite possibly, the worst role model in history for anyone wishing to accomplish anything meaningful in their lives. My behavior should've never been advertised and advocated in a periodical representing a public hall of academia. Truly, Miss Booth's mention of this web site has forever sullied Auburn High School's reputation as a credible academic institution. The mention of the site was especially irrelevant to the overall story when you consider that only two people (The Brothers O'Neill), to my knowledge, purchased "MiLES" T-Shirts from my online store.

However, all of the mistakes in Miss Booth's article pale in comparison to the exceedingly blunt statement that "the makers (of the shirts) are making a profit". Indeed, Mr. White and Mr. Harris did make a profit, about ninety three cents per shirt. With fifty shirts sold in total, anyone who can do basic arithmetic will tell you that this can be construed as being a decent sum of money, depending on your socioeconomic status. However, when you factor in what it costs for Stamp to create the original screen print and other assorted production costs, Mr. White and Mr. Harris's profits only came out to $27 dollars. Between the two of them, that's only thirteen dollars and fifty cents. Now, I pose this question: "Would you take time out of your busy schedule to walk all around school pitching and selling the idea, taking down names, collecting money, and motoring, on your own gasoline, to and fro to Stamp in order to produce and distribute a t-shirt for a mere THIRTEEN DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS?" If you would, either you're a damned fool or a nice guy. Mr. White and Mr. Harris are not damned fools. They are simply nice guys; and Miss Booth is a damned fool for assuming any differently.

I can personally vouch for the utmost purity of Mr. White and Mr. Harris's character as it relates to the matter at hand. I do so by telling you that, at one point, demand was so high for the "MiLES" T-Shirts that Mr. White and Mr. Harris ended up having to sell their own shirts to a couple of late-comers who hadn't had a chance to sign up in time. Like Christ before them, Mr. White and Mr. Harris, having only white undershirts to wear on that late winter's day, suffered for the common good of everyone. How dare Miss Booth question the motives of people such as this? It is appalling. If Miss Booth had put any effort into this article, she would've known that, with the profit they did make, Mr. White and Mr. Harris lessened financial burdens attached to future "MiLES" T-Shirt owners by reinvesting it into the production of more "MiLES" T-Shirts.

Furthermore, who is Martha Booth to question the fiscal responsibility of two upstanding young men such as Mr. White and Mr. Harris? If, indeed, Mr. White and Mr. Harris were making the kind of profit that Miss Booth insinuates, chances are that they would have invested it in one of their many charities such as GreenPeace or The Tsunami Relief Fund. It is disgusting that Miss Booth would assume that Mr. White and Mr. Harris would do anything non-productive with that, albeit a small amount, of money. What do you think Miss Booth would've done with the said twenty seven dollars? This is, of course, a hypothetical seeing as how Miss Booth is too lazy and complacent to check her facts on her lackluster joke of an article, much less plan, organize, and carry out something as big as "MiLES" T-Shirts. Regardless, in the hypothetical situation, I think I have a pretty good idea of where that money will go.

Miss Booth would've swayed and moved, danced and grooved to the beat of the black market chemicals persistently drumming somewhere in the back of her mind. She moves at the speed of light through a brightly colored, hyperreal sense of euphoria. Overwhelmed by bliss, Miss Booth is rendered unable to speak properly, choosing instead to communicate only through various moans, whimpers, and the occasional "Oh, my God". Then, slowly but surely, she transitions into an oblivion darker than her own soul. Waking up the next morning in an unknown bed, in an unknown place, Miss Booth realizes that she is twenty-seven dollars poorer and has nothing to show for it, save a new dark blue spot to add to her collection on the infrared picture of her brain.

I can rest easily at night knowing that Mr. White and Mr. Harris would never participate in such hedonism. Unlike Miss Booth, they are not beings of self-worship. They, instead, opt for increasing the common good of those around them, rather than squandering their resources on meaningless intangibles.

Though I focus over ninety-nine percent of the blame for this outrage on Miss Booth herself, I will say that the editors and advisors of The Free Press should monitor Miss Booth's future articles more closely. Be aware that this person is lazy, and is clearly contented to do unsatisfactory work. She is, therefore, dangerous to the credibility of The Free Press. The editors of this otherwise exceptional publication, shouldn't hesitate to permanently silence Miss Booth if she speaks sardonically of Mr. Bugg, or anyone else, again in the future. Though it might be so in Miss Booth's drug-fueled wonderland, in reality, calling someone's face "big and juicy" is not a complement.

I can only hope that the editors and advisors at The Free Press will sequester Miss Booth; give her a thorough chastising over this indecent slander; and force her to write, sign, and publish a retraction, apology, and correction of this most foul slight against Mr. Bugg and all involved with the project.