This is going to seem a little Milesish talking about my new favorite soft drink, but bear with me and the rewards will be great.

Ever since man invented God, they've guessed as to what their deity might drink, were he presented the opportunity to do so. Well, I'm proud to announce that I have tasted God's favorite beverage.

You might wonder, "Rivers, where did you get this miraculous liquid? Will I have to go to the deepest jungles of India? Am I going to have to go to a dark and dank catacombe in Paris or Jerusalem? Do I have to fight a dinosaur, a shark, or a cyclops?" The answer to all of the above imaginary rhetorical questions is "No". In fact you have to go no further than your nearest Winn-Dixie to get this 2 liter bottle of divinity sauce.

You may think that Jesus is God's greatest gift to man. Sorry folks, you've all been punk'd. Jesus was like a birthday present from your weird Mormon relatives that you've only seen once. This is this gift from your dad and your step-mom trying to outdo your real mom and her new husband:

That's right, I think it's about time that we, as a society, did some editing on John 3:16. When you taste it, you'll know what I'm talking about. It's...



Rio de los Suenos: Watermelon Soda

For those of you who can't read Spanish, Rio de los Suenos means "River of Dreams". Fortunately, it's translated into English on the reverse side of the product.

Now, unlike most other watermelon flavored products, this doesn't have the watermelon flavor taste. This shit tastes like REAL WATERMELONS! It's incredible.

From here on out I will devote my life to spreading the gospel of Rio de los Suenos, and I will bring with me it's sacred creed wherever I go:

"Dare to dream...
Reach for the stars...
But remember to enjoy the moment.
NOW is life's most precious gift."

In all seriousness, that is the craziest fucking thing I've ever read off of any product. Not that I don't agree with it, but Jesus, the soda makes death seem so immanent. I better chug this fucking soda. Death is on its way.



That said, this stuff is FANTASTIC. The watermelon flavor is undoubtedly the best, but it doesn't end there. They've got Mango, Pina Colada, Pineapple, and something called Kola Champagne which I'm skeptical of. I think it's like cream soda, but I'm not going to test that theory just yet. I need verification of some sort before I get it.

Rio de los Suenos can be found at both Auburn Winn-Dixie locations and it will run you about 79 cents per bottle. Not an incredible fee to fork over for God's greatest gift to man.

I implore you, buy Rio de los Suenos as quickly as you can.