I've only got one thing to say to the HP computer empire. FUCK YOU!

For the second time now I've been fucked by HP and their shitty product. The next time something like this happens, I'm going postal.

The incident went down like this: I brought the said machine back to Auburn over the Thanksgiving holidays to finish up a paper that I was writing. That was all fine and good until I got it back to Montevallo. Yesterday afternoon, I hooked up the computer and everything seemed to be working normally except for the monitor. I turned the moniter on, and it displayed the message: "Going to Sleep". It'd be one thing if it had said something like "Shutting Down" or "Turning off", or even if it had just spooged in my eye. But as a direct insult to me it said "Going to Sleep". I applied the classic yelling at the screen while violently flipping to power on and off technique, as I tend to do in these situations. After this yielded no positive results, I went on to step two: unstoppable murderous blood rage. The rage only grew when I looked out the window in order to see something other than a black screen, only to see two squirrels mating on the branch of the lage Oak stationed near my window. I picked up the first thing I saw which was a large metal three-hole puncher. I threw it as hard as I could, missing the varmits by mere inches. Regardless of the proximity, the squirrels disbanded and scampered off to create their little problems someplace else.

I felt a little better after this, and decided to call HP's wonderful tech support people. For those of you who don't understand sarcasm, when I say "wonderful" I really mean "not worth the bullet to shoot them with". In case you didn't know, Hewlett-Packard is located in Palo Alto, California. Their tech support however, for some strange and fucked up reason which is beyond me and beyond all human logic, is located in Islamabad, Pakistan. That means that when you call HP's tech support, the people you're talking to sound the way Apu from The Simpsons would sound if he had Down's Syndrome, was mortally wounded by an arrow to the head, had cotton in his mouth, and was speaking through a megaphone. The guy that I finally got after listening to adult contemporary for about 10 minutes made me open the computer up and remove a bunch of shit, then put it back. At one point, he told me to look for a battery. He said that it was big and round and it looked like a watch battery. The only problem with this is that there are about 200 little things inside that thing that look like a watch battery. When I brought this to his attention, he replied, "take your time, sir". I wanted to kill him, I really did. In the process of doing all of this stuff which was doing NOTHING to remedy the original situation, I broke something inside the damn thing and now it's even more fucked up than it was when I called that asshat.

In the end, he told me that he was sending me a box and that I should put the computer tower in it and send it to Palo Alto and that they would fix it. I'm seriously considering just putting a family of rabid wolverines in that box and letting them raise hell in the HP headquarters. Just knowing that those people died slowly of lockjaw and acute insanity eating away at their brains would almost be better than having a computer. Unfortunately, I probably won't, and I'm at the disposition that 9 out of 10 people in the country are in, and that's the fact that no one knows shit about computers. Therefore, no matter how many times computer companies fuck us in the ass, we always come back for more. Fuck HP, that's all I can say.

Anyway, long story short, my computer is fucked up, so don't be expecting any posts until Christmas break. I know it's sad, but I think you all can do without me for a couple of weeks. At least you've got Chandler, Matt, Richard, Sean, and especially Miles to entertain you during your stay in cyberspace.

Okay, that's all for me. Good Buy.